Saturday, November 11, 2006

Ummm, this is not working for me

I feel like I am letting you all down not to have a post in a week. Friends, I am overwhelmed. It's not really a bad overwhelmed. Just a good, every moment filled, no time for anything extra, I have three kids overwhelmed. I always hate when people patronize first time moms, like they just think their life is hard. I hate tacky comments like "just wait until such and such" (which just happens to be the situation of the person making the comment). It's just so sad that that first time that is so easy compared to having more. But it is so hard at the time because you've never done it before. And by the time you get to where a newborn is not such a big deal, you have all these other kids to take care of! I guess it's not really sad, just kind of how it works. I do remember feeling pretty bored after while when it was just Amabel. But of course, some things are always more difficult with even just one child than without. I was the first in my family and among most of my friends to have a baby. I remember thinking often how I couldn't wait for everyone else to have a baby so they would understand. Mostly it was that I felt like people didn't understand why we couldn't travel to every event or go out any time. Now that most people have had a baby, I am starting to find myself thinking that I can't wait until they have a bunch! I am realizing that I have entered into a new level of busy-ness and now have no time for long phone conversations or blogging or smocking or sewing. Even the things I have to do, like clean the bathroom, have to be scheduled in. I know it won't be so so busy once I quit having to sit down thirty minutes out of every two hours to feed Elspeth. She is already stretching a little longer, and it seems I have a four month milestone in my memory where things seem to get a lot easier. But for right now, I think I will have to excuse myself from the blog. It isn't funny anymore anyway. I lost my funny-ness a while back. That's been really bothering me. I think I have become too self conscious. Too many people seemed to not pick up on my sense of humor. I have written so many posts and deleted them because I would dread the comments at church on Sunday or one of what is turning out to be more and more people who read and I have no idea they even know I have a blog mentioning months later how I said such and such. I just feel under scrutiny. I guess I asked for it. But that, combined with the exhaustion of the past six months, makes it difficult to be funny. And that was one of the only things I had going for me, funny-ness. I really hope it comes back. I'll let you know when it does.

10 comments:

Jessie said...

Abby, I like your humor, but understand your need for a break. I personally, find that I can't do anything that isn't necessary for survival for the first 6 months. As you say, not because its hard per say, it just takes every minute of spare time to feed and change that baby!

Anonymous said...

you'll be missed in the blog world abby! but i understand totally. just look at the frequency of posts i had going on in sept/oct! i'm down to about once a week now. i'll email you soon, hope you're doing well sweet friend!

Fittsy said...

I'm with Jessie, for me it was the 6 month mark that made it all seem easy. And yes, I do only have 1 baby!

We'll be here reading when you come back.

Rebekah

Courtney said...

Do you remember all of the letters you would write in high school? I can remember when I was in Haiti loving to get a letter from you b/c it was SO detailed and contained fantastic commentary. Even though it's been forever since I've actually spoken with you, I have sincerely appreciated being able to keep up with your precious self and family! You're still funny b/c even though it's been years, I can imagine what you're doing and how you're scripting it! Prayers for less chaos and more confidence coming your way!!

Courtney

april said...

I know Abby, just wait til...oh, right I can't say that ;).... Seriously, you're right on target, go enjoy that baby girl and when the fog clears you can dust off the keyboard and tell us all a few witty things.

sara said...

Abby,
Such pressure you put on yourself to feel and write a certain way!! When I check your blog, which is fairly often, I am most interested in getting a small insight into your life these days--since phone calls are a challenge! I am sure things are crazy and there may not even be time for a "brain dump" on the computer--but if ever you feel the desire to just communicate--please do so and know that we love to keep up with you this way, funny or not!

Elizabeth said...

Yeah, I'm with Sara, I have loved your blog, not only because you're incredibly funny(sorry people don't get it :)), not only for the great recipes(which would be a GREAT thing to continue, we could all share), but b/c I have been in the "not able to have long phone conversations" stage for almost a year(I'm hoping to come out of that somewhat when Andrew gets a little older, but we'll see. Like everything else, I'll probably realize later that this is the easy time to have phone conversations, when I actually am sitting down to nurse...oh, well!), and I have felt through your blog, that I have actually been able to keep up with your life pretty well...sorry I haven't returned the favor! All that to say, I totally understand the time issue, but if that ever gets better, or if you just decide you NEED some sort of outlet even though things are crazy, please know that you do have loyal readers waiting who won't harrass you for hating St. Louis...ha,ha!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, No! George took you off his links...you must really be serious!! Now, I am really sad :(

george edema said...

I might be putting it back up there. I'm just making some minor adjustments and took it down for the time being, or forever, who knows? I think she'll start up again.

Katherine said...

abby, know we always love you. i'm sad others do not always understand your sense of humor, esp. since i don't even feel like i knew you that well in college, but find you exactly the same sweet & funny girl! ditto to what sara & elizabeth & all the others said. and although i only have 1 child now, those first few months must be the worst in all the adjustments & time-consuming things you do with infants. there are days i watch & absorb & learn from my friends with 2,3,& 4 kids and think, i really want to take this on? yikes! the scary thing is the immediate reply in my brain to myself is that it will only help me understand God's grace more. i almost need to be in environments that are beyond control for me to really trust God with all of it & rest in that.

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