Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Day Two: Still Finding Our Footing

Look at me! My 201st post! Shameful actually when you think about having a blog for a year and four months- 485 (more or less) possible posts and this is all you get?! Anyway, there's a sense of satisfaction in writing 200 posts. 200 honest, vulnerable, hilarious, extremely well written posts. Am I right? Well for one thing, the hilarious is only every now and then. But it's there. Even among the drama and the melancholy, it's there. So there that the hardest posts I have written, without a doubt, are the ones where there is nothing funny to say at all. The hardest posts: when Steve Irwin died, the several all around when my Nannie was dying, and introducing Amelia's situation to y'all so you might pray. I hope none of those have seemed irreverent. I have the hardest time with things that are not at all humorous. I have the hardest time with being inappropriate. Or it feels that way when it is so important not to be inappropriate. The Steve Irwin one was really weird, because I was almost embarrassed by how sad I was over the death of someone I didn't know. And now I'm hoping writing that just now wasn't inappropriate.

Amelia's situation is an up and down of small victories and setbacks in a much bigger serious situation. I mean, I only know what I know from the blog, but that's the idea we're getting there. Please continue to pray. I have had such a hard time leaving my healthy and fairly independent daughter in the care of others just in the past two days. I have always been the primary caretaker. Imagine the feeling not having the power to take care of your very dependent tiny baby. In one post they said she is getting breast milk from a tube through her nose into her stomach. As a nursing mother I know that must be a real blessing that she is still able to take care of her in such an important way, but also very hard that she cannot nurse her without tubes. She also mentioned being able to "finally" hold her today which implied that she must not have been able to hold her before and that must have been so hard. Those are the things I think would be just unbearable. But there is the illness and that is plenty unbearable whether she can hold her or not. Right now, a big need is for platelet donation which is different than blood donation. It is also very important that she doesn't get any kind of infection or outside illness.

I am excited about the new blogs I have discovered from people who commented recently, particularly all the people who commented on the first post about Amelia. I have been wanting to find some new blogs. And my links are way behind. I will have to update those soon. I was also found just today by a mom from one of the girls in Amabel's class! And she was so sweet to call me up and introduce herself after realizing our connection. Thanks, Renae!

Amabel's day didn't seem to go as well today. (Nice segue, eh?) When I left her she was crying. I think it was the morning confusion again. This time there were children playing outside but we just couldn't tell who was in charge. She was very distraught because she didn't see her teacher. But even after we found the teacher she was still shaken up. I guess it just takes some getting used to. And I am going to have to get used to being the high maintenance, fussy parent. I don't want to be that guy, but I am. And if I resist, I'm just going to be going around quietly frightened and disoriented. Why not be oriented and at peace and just deal with that that also means somewhat annoying? Good plan? It's the best one I can come up with. Because I think some of Amabel's uneasiness comes from sensing my uneasiness. She also seems really tired today. We will have to get to bed extra early. And that being said, I better quit typing and go finish dinner. I am seeing your comments and that I have not explained our decision to put her in school very well. I will get to it. I will probably be more vague than usual on this because everyone can glean so much information about our family from these blogs that I'd rather not hand out information on our child's whereabouts during the only hours she is out of my sight. I hate that I have to even think about that.

1 comment:

the good, the bad & the ugly said...

Keep bloggin'...wow 200! That's great! You are such a great writer. Praying for sweet Amabel. It is so hard to send them off to school.

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