Thursday, April 26, 2007

Can'tstandya

So today I am extremely grumpy. I have been meaning to post for a while about how coming off caffeine has changed my life. Last week my husband pointed out somewhat timidly how much more pleasant I am until I said with much enthusiasm, "I know! I feel so much better!" And I am telling you what, if you think you might could benefit from anti-anxiety medication which I have been told and sort of thought myself for the past three years (also been "diagnosed" for OCD, ADD, bi-polar disorder, depression, pretty much everything "laypeople" think they know about from seeing commercials or watching Oprah), you might try just going off caffeine first. I am a completely different person, way less paranoid and stressed out and panicky. I think y'all know, I have definitely felt not myself for literally a few years now and have said it a kazillion times which is what has prompted those laymen's diagnoses. The only one I took somewhat seriously is when I asked a friend who is a licensed therapist if I was right in maintaining to another pushy friend that I was not depressed. She said her inclination was that it was not depression but anxiety. It all started when I moved to St. Louis (I'm not trying to knock St. Louis that's just when it started) which was pretty stressful and followed some very stressful events as well, but it is also when I started my dependence on both coffee and M&M's. And now I feel so much better. Better than I could even begin to say. And I am so relieved that I was right, that I was not myself, because I hated that bitch. Ha ha! Anyway, so for the first day in like two or three weeks I feel like a bad word again. I called a friend to meet for lunch and get out of the house but it didn't work out today. So I have decided to stay home until after Elspeth's nap and then go to the mall and skip lunch out. Boo. I want to get out of here now. I know I will feel better if I just go. But in honor of my stuck at home grumpy day, seven things I can't stand (besides being stuck at home):

1) Oprah- I think I've said this before but I can't say it enough. Also, I watch her show anyway, but man, I do not like her. Other things I've said before: Victoria's Secret and Walmart. Don't even get me started!

2) A) Knick knacks/indoor statues- this is a long running joke between Jennie and I since Jennie told me an old boyfriend of hers gave her a Precious Moments statue for Valentine's Day one year. What do you say to that? "A statue, thanks!" I strive to maintain a knick knack free home. Not to worry, my parents have enough in their home for me and everyone who reads including African animals and tribesmen- some from an authentic African outdoor marketplace and some from Kirkland's and other such places, angels, sheep, and enough mismatched picture frames to open a Bed Bath and Beyond with.
B) Fake foliage and (worse) flowers- along the same lines as the knick knacks, and I'm not sure which is worse. It is a big reason I don't like Leonardo's in Birmingham (and never will so quit your squawking!). And again, my parents have enough of both to go around!

3) Under/overripe fruit- I like bananas still a little green and everything else only in season and before it's gone downhill. I bought the yuckiest cantaloupe from Sam's the other day. Oh well, I should've gotten a clue when a lady walked by me as I was sniffing, thumping and trying to avoid the ones that were clearly rotting and said "Sam's is really starting to suck!" I just burst out laughing, but I still took home a starchy, icky melon. Next time I'll just walk away. I also have issues with mealy apples, squishy berries, and self-destructing peaches. Oh, and there is nothing worse than a bad tomato- but nothing better than a great one!

4) The smell of mushrooms cooking- it seriously makes me ill. Well, not seriously. Also, I have never actually digested a pea, I don't think. They make me gag and I can't help it. Once my mom cooked peas and carrots and put them in honey because it was supposed to make kids eat them or something. Of course, it made it worse! I tried so hard because we had to eat everything on our plates, but I ended up spewing them all over the table (sorry, that's gross). I got a spanking too! But I still maintain that it was out of my control. Please pass the peas -right by me.

5) Tabloid shows, crime drama shows, news magazine shows, judge somebody or other court shows- Does this even need an explanation?

6) Sharing a bathroom with my kids- also sharing a dining area with them is not so fun either, but the bathroom is out of control gross every day. How do they get so dirty? And was I really so messy at their age? I'm sure I was, but I also know that my parents had a separate bathroom. I think my husband thinks I never clean the bathroom; little does he know I clean at least a part of it almost every day.

7) Potty humor- Can't emphasize that enough. Also, I do not appreciate any kind of lewd humor but I am so weird about that that I usually just pretend it doesn't exist. Half the time I probably don't get it anyway.

What gets your goat?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not only was it a statue but it was a girl holding a baby! what does that mean?? does he want me to have his baby?? no, he says he knows i like babies... wierd. i hate walking/running shoes with suits. you know when you are downtown and people are going on a walk during their lunch break so they throw on comfy shoes with their nice clotes. just go to the gym!! this could open up a whole realm of fashion issues which could be dangerous...

jennie

Abby said...

that's hilarious! I didn't realize the statue was holding a baby. That is weird. Also, the shoes with suits, that cracks me up! I can totally see that that would bother you! I have two more I have thought of since posting- the word "sexy," like nails on a chalkboard! Yuck! And dull kitchen knives. How in the world am I supposed to get anything done with a dull knife?!

dblyoo said...

how 'bout people in front of you in a drive-thru line that don't pull up far enough so you're stuck a few feet from the speaker which is blaring with some annoyed employee trying to figure out why you're not ordering whilst several cars behind you are annoyed because they assume it's completely your fault and you apparently are doing nothing about it. ugh.

Abby said...

whitney, that's so funny. that has totally happened to me before.

the good, the bad & the ugly said...

Seven things that drive me nuts these days:
1.Alarm clocks
2.The blue mexican tiles on our kitchen floor-hate the shade of blue, hate the deep grout that can only be cleaned by hand (saving for hard woods...it will probably take at least a year's worth of writing unit lessons for Jack's school and having consignment and garage sales!)
3.Leaky diapers- why cab't they just make some that really won't leak?
4.Having no "powder room"- the bathroom in our bedroom is the only one on the main floor (Which means our bathroom needs to always be clean and our bed always made since people pop in frequently)
5.Dark chocolate
6.Thai food (tastes like the smell of cedar chips in a gerbel cage to me)
7.Bradford pear trees...they are blooming everywhere and they smell like trash

april said...

ummmmmm, okay, ummmmm, yes, okay here goes.

I love bird statues, however I don't own any, but would love to have a few on a shelf.

I have always had a strong affection for Oprah, even though I think she can get a bit whacko...but I love her anyway.

My husband and I can't get through a day without some sort of potty joke or lewd behavior...it's just not possible.

I would totally watch ET everyday if I wasn't trying to set an example for my children and I try to avert my eyes at the tabloids in the check out line, but I just have to know what is happening between Brad and Angie.

I love the smell of mushrooms cooking, so earthy.....I also love the smell of earth.

I love peas, especially raw, right out of the shell.

I like Victoris Secret, but hate their commercials.

and finally....

I agree whole heartedly with you on fresh fruit, it is impossible to get a good melon unles you grow it yourself. And Wal-Mart SUCKS!!!, but I shop there all the time.

Abby said...

april, that is too funny. oh well, i guess we can be friends anyway :)

good, that is so true on diapers. we can watch tv on our cell phones, communicate with people a world away instantly, and have hot delicious popcorn in two and a half minutes but diapers are just going to leak everywhere. it makes no sense. also why DO bradford pear trees smell so bad? it is so ironic. but how in the world do you not like dark chocolate? if you are absolutely positive, then i understand, but i am just wondering if you have never had GOOD dark chocolate. i mean, you like chocolate chips right? i am not for any of tis 70% cacao stuff either. but i would choose dark over milk anyday. my favorites are Dove chocolates and Trader Joes dark chocolate bars. Mmmmmmm.

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