Friday, April 13, 2007

Not The Actual El Guapo

George's (and my) friend Matt hates U-Scans. He writes posts about it and I try not to be too decisive one way or the other, mostly because I haven't used a U-Scan but maybe twice ever. I see some of his points. And then I see why U-Scans still exist too. Anyway, today I cussed a U-Scan machine out. I know, not one of my better moments. It was under my breath because the kids were with me, but I'm pretty sure the guy at the U-Scan in front of me fully comprehended my meaning when he looked back to see what all the ruckus was. And I must say I felt a little like Andy from The Office when he punches a hole in the wall over his missing cell phone. But I mean really. The reason I drive four miles down the interstate to the next Shnucks or five and a half to the closest Dierbergs is because the Shnucks that is about a mile from my house has only three lanes open on a regular basis and these three lanes generally have at least three buggies waiting at any given time. It is so annoying! But I needed to be quick because Elspeth was hungry after picking Amabel up from school and running to the library. And I only had 10 items today. Ten. So when the lines were all backed up as usual I decided to brave the dreaded U-Scan with my crying baby, my rowdy pre-schooler, and my somehow rowdier kindergartener. Well, after the eighth "Please take the last scanned item out of the bag and then place it back in the bag," I was ready to shoot someone. Seriously. Who knew the whole thing works on a super sensitive scale. And the problem, according to the man who saw my "slip of the tongue," was that my rowdy children kept knocking the scale. So I am frantically, as the line builds behind me and Elspeth takes it up a notch, trying to get the children away from the scale but not to where they can pull any more pre-paid phone cards or tic tacs off the point of sale displays (oh they love those kids' eye levels don't they!). And then when that didn't help I tried to flag down the lady "in charge." I seriously thought she must have a glass eye or something as many times as I said "Excuse me," and she looked right past me. I finally said "I'm sorry, are you looking at me?" which was risky, I know, but I took a gamble. I mean, I said it nicely because I really thought she must have some sort of optical impairment, but no, she just wasn't looking at me. So she did and sort of slowly and condescendingly (and nasally) said, "The scale is set to measure the plastic bags." Right, because I had my canvas bags. But I really only had one bag. How minutely is this scale calibrated? And furthermore, why didn't she tell me when she saw me put the bag on?! Or at least after one of the many "Please take the last scanned item out of the bag and then place it back in the bag." So I was kinda irritated. Kinda. And I said "Well, I don't want to use the plastic bags." And I guess she's been working in the U-Scan bay for longer than is good for someone because her response was just as condescendingly and nasally as before,"The scale is set to measure the plastic bags." So I had spent too much time trying to save time and I was starting to feel like my parents who can't program their answering machine, so I just loaded everything into the plastic bag, and even hit a few more "please take the last scanned item out of the bag and then place it back in the bag," which didn't make any sense since I was using the plastic bags, all the while muttering how this is the reason I go to the Shnucks in Ladue. Then I took everything out of the plastic bags and put them in my canvas bag. All of that for environmental friendliness. You're welcome, earth.

Right, so not going real well on the funny vs. frustrating front. But I see the humor in it now. That counts a little. Right?


Anonymous said...

I remeber well how I totally hate that Schnuck's. That store is only tolerable at 10 a.m. And, I always refused to go on Saturdays, period. It is so worthwhile to drive to Dierberg's.
- annie

Matt Churnock said...

Part of me wants to say, "see what you sold your soul for: a retarded machine" but another part of me says, "that sucks"! I'll let you pick what side you want to hear.

Abby said...

do you even have to ask?

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