Monday, June 18, 2007

Just Thinking

I kind of wanted to have another post up so the first post you see when you get here is no longer the Father's Day one. The things with my parents is hard because I feel like it is such a big part of me- how I grew up, my relationship to them and my sisters, their divorce and remarriage and the circumstances around both, etc. So for you to really know me, you kind of have to know that stuff. But so often I find out people are reading that I had no idea were reading, usually very trustworthy people (as in yesterday when my associate pastor said "there was something on your blog I wanted to ask you about." He couldn't remember what it was in the end, but I joked with him that it was a little unsettling to know he has read some of this!), but it is a blog, you know. Also, I do want to honor my parents and I don't want to make a huge public scene out of our problems, even though it was pretty public (though not in the world wide web sense) when they divorced so I don't feel it is top secret that there have been "issues." But I really appreciated my younger sister's comment on that post, just to let me and anyone who read know that we are sort of on the same page and can kind of laugh about some stuff too! That's Sarah, I don't think she's commented before. She practically my best friend so I guess it is sort of weird that she's never commented before but I think she's not much of a blog reader. And Rachael and I don't always agree on this stuff which is another reason I don't say too too much. I think she is a little more of a private person than I am, most people are, and I want to respect that what I say about my family is also about her family and she may not appreciate that so much. She may not appreciate that I always call her by name when she tries to be anonymous, but she's way over in France and I don't think you could find her if you did want to steal her pretty ring (or whatever adults are worried about when they don't say who they are on the internet). No one said anything to me, I just wanted to say all of this as I have reflected. I want to be able to talk about me, but it often seems I drag in others by doing so. Kind of a tricky thing when you want to be honest and vulnerable, huh? That's been bugging me ever since I started blogging, so just bear with me.

Also, "the yuck in the PCA," was referring to Federal Vision stuff which I was sort of assuming everyone had seen my husband's many opinions on. I call it "yuck" because I fear his opinions will cost him a future job, and have been warned as such by others. Also I just don't want to talk about it because I don't think I have ever witnessed a discussion that ended up being helpful and friendly. It is so sad to me that people continue to talk past each other, to say "no, that's not what I'm saying." "Oh yes it is!" "No, it's not!" "Yes it is!" "No, I'm saying this." "No, you're saying this!" I'm not saying I agree with what they're saying, I'm just saying that nothing is more infuriating than someone telling you what you're saying and that's not it. It's fine to say that's how you're coming across, but people know what they mean. Amabel has always had a small problem with hearing. We have been to the Children's hospital for hearing screenings and she always passes, but let's just say she doesn't have excellent hearing. So sometimes I will say something like "Amabel, you need to put your shoes away." And she will say "Mommy, you called me Annabel." And I say "No, I didn't. You just didn't hear me right." "Well, it sounds like you said Annabel. Maybe you didn't mean to, but you did." And I'm getting so angry, because I named the child! Why would I call her the wrong name? "No, Amabel. I know your name, you just didn't hear me right." "Yes ma'am, but I really think you said Annabel." Aaaaagh! I mean, I have authority there and I can also just chalk it up to her poor hearing and stubborn personality. But I don't know what it to be done when a whole denomination does this to each other. And I think it's sad that so much of it is through books and blogs because it is never as good as personal interaction. I think that personal interaction must be what was hoped for with General Assembly and there was evidently a lot of disappointment with what happened. I do not know enough about this to engage anyone in a debate so that's not what this is about. It's just about being sad that Christian brothers can't get along and be charitable and patient with one another. I wasn't there so I can't be positive that is what happened, but there are many who are upset with the outcome and I am just sad that there is such a conflict within my church (denomination).

Now I'm nervous about this post and want to get another up so it's not the first one you see! See, I just hate conflict and unreconciled relationships! Why can't we just all get along?!

1 comment:

courtney said...

Abby! You have such a sensitive and caring spirit! I say that not to be cheesy or sentimental, persay, but, just to reflect on the fact that you have been given a gift of empathy and compassion. And I think it's great that you "blog it out" on this site. You can't be "faulted" for your feelings. And just naming them and putting them out there isn't wrong or sinful, as far as the stuff you say. You're not name calling or slandering or anything in that general vicinity. Just spitting it out. And I do that too, b/c for me when I just lay it out there, I get over whatever it is much faster. So I say blog on, blog on.... I love to be able to read and know where you are on stuff and I pray for you accordingly! Much love to you and all the quirks that come with you!

Courtney

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