Friday, June 08, 2007

With Ten Foot Pole In Hand

Durst I touch this? Yep, I'm gonna do it!

I have enough married girl friends and (admittedly) gossip enough to know that the world could really use an in laws handbook. Badly. And I think often times about compiling stories and advice but the problem becomes apparent right away that you just can't go dragging people's mothers-in-law through the mud publicly. And some stories would make it pretty easy to tell who the culprit was. And really, love covers a multitude of sins. When it comes to in laws especially, we really need to learn that. On the other hand, sometimes, really often times, it seems that these people mean well. And it seems like we could really help them, or help ourselves as we are all bound to be in laws one day, to just have a basic list of don'ts to help them out in a pinch. You wouldn't think this would be needed in some (really most) of these cases, but they have happened to people, many to people I know, so I guess someone should tell people. Please understand that these have not all happened to me. And even if they had, which they haven't, I have two mothers-in-law so don't think you know something about somebody because you don't. I just thought these were funny, and actually a little sad in some cases, but
sometimes sharing them can make them funny right? For more, you can look at this website, but I wouldn't recommend it as it is pretty much gossip and can make you really angry at the people involved even though you don't know them. I only link to it because the first on my list is from the website and I think it is hilarious, but also really mean.

1) Don't ask your new daughter in law to step out of the way so that you can take a "family picture" with your son and other children- especially not at her wedding!
2) Don't insist on being called either a formal title or a term of endearment. Offering it is nice, but since everyone else in the world calls you by your name, it seems like this must be comfortable for you to go by where calling you something besides that may be uncomfortable for the new family member.
3) Don't stand over your daughter in law as she is preparing a meal for you and make "suggestions."
4) Don't say that you like your other son's ex-girlfriend better than your daughter-in-law (even if it is true).
5) Don't make a big deal out of how much you spent. On anything. To anyone.
6) Don't greet the bride and the groom right after they have taken their vows with "I just hope you don't get divorced." This is probably not a nice thing to say to any married people ever.
7) Don't say you're not excited about your daughter-in-law having a baby. Don't say you're not excited about anyone having a baby. Babies are good. We are excited about babies (unless I guess possibly if it is an unmarried situation, but even then it might be best to keep our lack of support to ourselves).
8) Okay, here's the one that happened today. To me. Don't show up an hour and a half early for the weekend. If you know my in laws, please don't tell them about this post. They are dear sweet people and they just wanted to see their grandkids and they could care less if my house is a mess. But you know me with three kids and no concept of time? Yeah, an hour and a half early might as well be a week early! They called and said they were five minutes away and I was nursing. You should've seen me getting that baby in an exersaucer, flying around the house, barking orders at Amabel! I've never been so close to a heart attack! But all is well now. And we are so glad they're here... an hour and a half early!

Feel free to add a few that happened to someone you know.


april said...

Don't ask your blond headed daughter-in-law where on earth your grandson, which is sitting on the dil's lap, got all that blond hair?????

I get no credit for an genetic traits in my children...none.

Anonymous said...

1. when you see the bride before she marries your son comment on how pretty she looks (even if she doesn't- but this bride did) instead of ignoring her

2. if your future daughter in law's father has passed away don't insist on a mother/son dance- especially if father and daughter had already picked out a song to dance to at the wedding!

my sister in law's sister got married this past weekend and experienced #1 on my list. the mil actually entered the room, walked right past the bride, said something to the flower girl's mom and walked out of the room! what nerve. and what a timely post!! jennie

courtney said...

Don't tell your daughter-in-law that if it wasn't for the Lord and the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation that you'd take off with her 4 month old daugther and "be gone".....

That was what my mother-in-law said to me at my oldest daughter's first Thanksgiving meal. Even though it was the middle of winter, we could all hear crickets...

Many LONG conversations with my darling husband were required to let go of that one to embrace forgiveness.....

JP said...

When your daughter-in-law is apologizing for things she never did in an effort to make peace and start fresh (at the counsel of her minister), DO NOT say that you wish you hadn't gone to the wedding 3 years earlier because you were so miserable they didn't do things your way. Even if your son is your only child, it is not really the groom's mother's priviledge to plan the wedding.

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