Monday, August 20, 2007

Pray For Amelia

Does anyone else find this whole situation extremely angering? George was angry last night. I was just sad. This morning, after nightmares and sleeplessness, I feel I may have had a tiny taste of what Steve and Jen's lives must be like. Tiny, I know. And this morning I am just fighting mad! And still sad. And exhausted. Again, all a tiny shadow of what they are experiencing. I wish there was some new strategy, some new way to plead with God. This is all I've got, and it is extremely old:

Psalm 6

O LORD, Deliver My Life
A Psalm of David.

1 O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.
2Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am languishing;
heal me, O LORD, for my bones are troubled.
3My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O LORD— how long?

4Turn, O LORD, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?

6I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
7My eye wastes away because of grief;
it grows weak because of all my foes.

8Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping.
9The LORD has heard my plea;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
10All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;
they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

I am pretty sure there is no way to pray "harder" for something. Well, what do I know about prayer? George says with faith, we either have it or we don't, and then it's a question of what we do because of that faith. But it gets confusing because Jesus does talk about it in terms of tiny amounts. And it does feel sometimes that we don't quite believe like we do at other times. I don't think this is a matter of believing that He will heal, He does as He wills and our ways are not His ways. And certainly we all believe He can heal. At this point even I am starting to look at the calendar. At this point even I have a very good concept of how very long it has been that this baby has been so horribly ill. How long, indeed.

Psalm 13

How Long, O LORD?
A Psalm of David.
1How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

It is easy to leave the last verse off because God does not seem very "bountiful" in his dealings with this baby thus far. But does His goodness rest solely on her being completely healed? I am asking myself this as I write. I think of the wonderful parents God has give this child. I think of the wonderful support system God has surrounded these parents with. I think of the wonderful advances in medicine God has provided our "day in age" with. I think of his preservation of her life this far. And I know that all of that bounty, all of that that we take for granted, is from the hand of the LORD. But though David knew God's bounty as well, still he had the freedom and faith to ask "How long?" That David, he is a blessing too. The Psalms so often help me and remind me that humanity is just part of life. So often we make any little "weakness," any doubting or fearing this heinous sin and act against God. I read David's words and I see that even the "man after God's own heart" grieved and questioned and feared. I guess that goes back to what George says, even in spite of our fears, we either have faith (however small, as Jesus teaches) or we don't, and then it's what we do with it. Please pray for Amelia today.


lauren said...

i've been praying a lot for this sweet baby i don't even know. thanks for your honesty abby.

Olive said...

Abby, I'm praying. I understand the pain of watching your friends walk through something like this. And it is so hard not knowing what to do, except pray and love on them. I know for my friends (and for us when my dad was sick), practical things are the best things to help (meals, cleaning the house, laundry, errands- life seems to just stop for everything else except what you need to do).

But aside from that, waiting on the Lord's perfect timing is all we can do, and that time, in hindsight it precious and sweet. In the midst, it is hard, I know. I am praying for you too- it's hard to watch people go through this.

Maybe, just maybe, God gave Amelia to Jen and Steve b/c He knew for however long she is with them, she would be loved and prayed for and cared for better than anyone else could love and pray for and care for her. I know He has a plan, and I wait and pray with you.

rebekah wright said...

abby,i like your blog. i always like how you write because you write it how you talk so i feel like i am catching up with you! i am so sad for the allens. things like that seem so much more real now that i have children. i can't imagine the pain of watching my child go through something like that but i know it would be horrible because i know how much i love my children. i will be praying for amelia. i miss you and hope i will see you all very soon.

Abby said...

All of your comments were so encouraging. Thanks so much for your prayers for our friends. She has another brain surgery today.

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