Monday, October 01, 2007

More From My One Track Mind

I think it is pretty clear that I really do dwell on things. Obsess is really a strong word, but maybe I'm okay with that. Anyway, it seems I throw myself into things pretty hard and neglect other things just as much. Lately, I have been very much neglecting my blog. I have been reading this past week. I read a 400 page historical fiction work about Josephine Bonaparte whose name, it turns out, was not Josephine at all, but Rose. Napoleon gave her the name Josephine when he started spending time with her when she was already 32. She spent a lot of time correcting him- "My name is Rose." - before finally deciding that the way he saw her, that Josephine, was actually someone much better than Rose had been. Rose had had a sad, horrible life, and at the end of the book, the first in a 3 novel series, Rose has just married Napoleon and is ready to move on, ready to be his Josephine. Were it not for that decision, a decision she made on the very last page, I would not even think of reading the next novel. But I am hoping things for Josephine go better than they did for Rose. I am thinking that you may have been interested in reading it yourself and that perhaps I have spoiled it for you. Only if you like reading the very saddest, most disturbing things should you read this book anyway. I cannot tell you the nightmares I have had this week. Nightmares is another strong word; I mean that I have dreams that are greatly moving that wake me up and keep me from wanting to go back to sleep. It is part of the whole dwelling thing.

Before the book, I was watching House on DVD with George. We crammed all three first seasons in less than a month. What is that, like 70 episodes? Needless to say, I had many medical dreams. I have also been listening to the Harry Potter books on CD. I think I felt so far behind that I decided to catch up on CD, just to the point where I haven't seen the movies anymore. I am listening to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire right now, so after it is over I will have to start reading. During Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets I had many dreams of giant spiders.

But aren't we all a little bit that way? Remember when you would go to a skating party when you were a kid and come home and go to bed and it was as if you were still skating? Or later on, I remember lying in my bed playing imaginary Tetris with my eyes closed when Gameboys first came out. When I started my first job at a pediatric clinic, I would dream of never ending stacks of charts to file. And lately, when I was on the prayer list for Amelia, I found myself dreaming about her nightly. These dreams were actually so hard to shake off, sending me creeping into Elspeth's room to make sure she was still breathing and then down the stairs to check Amelia's blog at every hour of the night, that I had to take myself off the list. I still dream of her often.

I was able to actually hold Amelia for the first time this weekend which was very sweet after months of tears and prayers. I know so many of you would like the same opportunity. She is making slow progress, but it is a long long road she would have to travel to be anything like normal. She is a beautiful baby. Her hair has grown back very very dark after the chemo, and her eyelashes are long and curl beautifully. But she does not have any expression in her face. She cannot even look at you. Her eyes are always looking upward and her muscles are stiff and tense. Please continue to pray for her. Keep linking to their blog to see how. I don't know the science-y stuff very well, even after asking questions and seeing pictures they pulled up for me on the internet. I understand some, but I think even they, even brain surgeons, have a lot of unknown. If she could only look at them, if she could only smile when her mother kisses her, even that would be such a huge blessing! God can do anything, but I can see why it must seem hopeless sometimes. She may have a second shunt put in this week to relieve extra fluid that has built up on the other side of her brain now. Please pray for that.

Well, this sort of went in a different direction than I had intended. I was going to say how I plan to obsess more on smocking and sewing next and maybe even blogging! Well, check back to see. I have gotten the shopping for winter clothes done, which was also very time consuming, so I may really be able to do some of this stuff. It's getting nigh on pumpkin time though, and that always draws me back to the kitchen! We shall see what unfolds. And I have not forgotten about the birthday recipes, just forgotten to get my film developed which has pictures to accompany said recipes. Someday...

1 comment:

The Rays said...

i haven't even read this post but i found this and was really excited. maybe you can get this instead of your sign!! this girl designs blogs and i immediately thought of you when i saw this:


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