Friday, December 07, 2007

I feel that the internet is dead. There is no one posting or commenting or replying to emails. What is going on?! I guess people are too busy shopping and baking and having pictures made.

Well, just briefly, I wanted to say that the December 5th post was posted and proofread on the 6th in reality. So when I said that my birthday was "yesterday," it was because I was posting on the 6th even though it was stamped for the 5th. I just know that about half the people who called or wrote to wish me a happy birthday were a little uncertain of what day it really was and then my post confused issues even further. So for the record, my birthday is December 5th. And I am now 30.

I am not really sad to be 30. I feel like I should've been 30 a long time ago. I am more like Amabel. I wish I was older. I am impatient with myself where I am, with my immaturity and with the responsibilities that are mine that seem boring and mundane yet way too hard at the same time. Amabel doesn't want to do the small everyday things like put her shoes away or make her bed, she wants to do the big things like help me cook and clean. And she is frustrated with the level she is in school and decides she might as well be a baby. I am so much that way. I don't want to be 30 with three young children making a meal every time I turn around. I spent my twenties that way, when everyone else was getting their career going and dating and going on fun vacations with friends or as newlyweds. I missed all that by having kids early. And you'd think the advantage to that is that I would be done sooner. But I won't be because we will have more than everyone else. I guess I am in a funk of just being weary of this stage and wanting to do or be something else, something "more." It's like I'm having an early mid-life crisis. Because 30 is not "mid-life." Contentment. That is something I am not very good with.

I kinda freaked out on my birthday. We were supposed to go to lunch but with seminary final papers and baby naptimes it didn't end up working out. So I spent the day waiting around for everyone else to be taken care of before we got to me, but we never got to me. And I was just mad. Because I have spent nearly every day of almost seven years like that. But that is the dramatic and selfish telling of the story. But it was how I felt that day. It was always going to be a bad day because I was supposed to go to New York and have a break, but it just didn't work out. I would've made it work, but it didn't seem worth it to the other people involved and therefore wasn't worth it to me as a people pleaser. I dont' know why it didn't occur to me to go alone until just now...

Well, this is a bummer. Sorry. I have no idea why I am carrying on this way. It turned out to be a nice night. We went to dinner at a really great restaurant and then to see Enchanted. And I got lots of nice gifts. A friend came by with homemade cookies. No one ever bakes for me. It was so nice! Several of y'all called or wrote. Thanks!

My favorite gift was from my sister in law. She got me a red doormat with white polkadots that says "merry christmas y'all!" It matches the ribbon I got for my poinsettias and wreaths perfectly, it says y'all, and it totally made my day. Thanks Katie!

Once I get my wreaths up, I may take a picture of the mat and the wreaths and all their polkadotted cuteness. My friend posted pictures of her house all decorated for Christmas and it was fun to see all of her things. I thought maybe I could do something similar if I can ever get our pictures on the computer. Well, in the meantime, the picture I am putting up is of winter rose poinsettias. I am not usually a poinsettia person because I am just not a fan. But I first saw these the day we went to the Botanical Gardens and I fell in love with them. I tracked some down for my home and I can pretty much promise you I will be tracking them down every year from now on. They are really lovely and surprisingly inexpensive. Mine are red, but I figured the pink showed the texture better and matches the blog better too!


katie said...

You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it and that it'll match your wreath!

RHB said...

Love the poinsettias! Sorry that you were bummed on your birthday but glad that you had a nice evening. Love you! Promise that your gift is coming soon!

Cynthia said...

I will comment to prove to you that not everyone on the internet is dead! But I am tired and have nothing to say and am just over here visiting from the comment you left on April's HP post.


sara said...

Sorry to hear that your birthday wasn't wonderful from start to finish, but I am glad it ended on a good note! I don't know about you, but I am almost always a little depressed at least part of the day on my birthday--I think I just build it up to much with really high expectations or something. Also--maybe your NYC trip will work out some other time--I have still never been myself!! Talk to you soon. Sara

P.S. Nashville in Christmas??

The McGuire Family said...

I noticed that cute doormat when I finally dropped off the key that I borrowed a few months back when I got locked out! I told George that I loved your doormat. It fits you perfectly. Happy late birthday!
Missy ><>

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