Friday, May 09, 2008

Plans to Harm Some of You?

If you take a look at my countdown, you will see that it is down to one week. Seven days. Seven days. Does saying that over and over make it any less true? I am a mixture of excitement, exhaustion, and frustration. Well, right, that's a good description of me any day. But we have people coming from all over, and I get to make a lot of food and entertain, and George is graduating! On the other hand, we have all these people coming from all over the place, I have to make all this food for them, and George is graduating. And that is a lesson on perspective. Because I said the same thing both times.

I really am excited. I would be a lot more excited if we had something to tell everyone about when they all get here. Because the big question is, of course, "what next?" And the big answer is, "we don't know." Generally speaking, we aren't too terribly worried. Frustrated? Yes. Determined that God will just cease to be a provider for his people? No. We have heard countless stories of people getting jobs at the very last minute. Our own lives provide a good four or five examples of the very same nick of time type provisions. And yet, the question after we give our "we don't know," is one that, though well meaning, is really just discouraging and all around negative. I am sorry to say so if you are perhaps one of the people to have said it to us, but we honestly don't remember who you are because everyone is saying it to us. However, please refrain from saying it if you can, because well, it's just not helpful. What is she talking about? What is this horrible thing that people keep saying to them? It's not really horrible at all. It's just six little words that keep showing up and shaking me to the core. "Do you have a plan B?" Why would someone ask this? I know. I know it's because they are worried for us, because things aren't looking so good right now, because they are curious. But do they really think we will just let our lease run out with nowhere to go? 'Cause we won't.

I have this gross need to explain myself to everyone. I mean, it's a good thing in that I am also able to just tell it like it is and be vulnerable. But it is a bad thing in that in many ways, I am just looking for affirmation or kindredness in others. Can you say kindredness? Well, I am going to either way. And I have kept a lot of my feelings and struggles with this whole not having a job a week before graduation thing to myself because I have recognized that in myself. I say things on my blog, I hope to be helpful, but also to be understood. I am trying to worry less about being understood and affirmed by everyone else and just believe that I am understood and affirmed by my Creator. Imagine trying to work on that during a time where it would seem that your prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling, and that the Creator may or may not have forgotten your family's existence! Of course, he does hear our prayers and knows and loves our family. And I think our prayers have been answered in many ways, in the form of a measure of patience and peace that is truly remarkable. A remarkable measure for me, at least. I am still, on a good day, never going to be half as calm as some of you are on a bad day! So when you take me, remarkably calm and patient for being me in the midst of uncertainty, but still oh-so-dramatic me who looks to everyone else so often to be affirmed and understood, and you throw in someone else's skeptical comment, the entire structure of my faith and confidence starts to sway. Not that it's their fault, just that I have that abysmal need to be built up by people who can't and shouldn't have to. So I am, in some ways, closing myself off to the comments that people make by just not talking about it in the first place. Okay, so I am talking about it a lot to some of you. But I haven't posted about it. And I am not sure why I am today. Except that I want to tell people to quit asking about "plan B." I am very close to having the back of my van loaded up with cream pies so that anyone who mentions plan B gets a pie in the face. But the obvious problem there is the timing. I'm really going to just run out to my car and get a pie when they ask? They would have started talking to someone else by then, probably about how rude I was to just leave in the middle of our conversation, and so then I would look like a really big jerk when I came back with the pie. The other option is that I could just carry a pie with me at all times. That probably really would be effective. Because who's going to ask about your plans when you're standing there with a pie? If anything, they would ask "what's with the pie?" If I could pare down what I have in my purse to just keys, wallet, and cell phone, I might have room for a covered pie, a pie plate with a snap on lid or something. Then, I could have a concealed pie, and the only timing concern would be how quickly I could get the lid off. The only other thing I can think of is to find the pie truck from the silent movie that the Brady Bunch made and work out a signal with the driver so that the truck would pull up at just the right time... But I don't really see how that would work if I was indoors.

So I guess for now, plan B really just involves pies. And as for our future, I assure you all, we will not keep you in the dark. When George gets a job, we will be celebrating and shouting about it from the rooftops. And if it takes a little longer than we hope, and our lease does start running out, well then, we'll be sure to tell you what the plan is. But that plan will be plan C now, you know, because of the pies.


Olive said...

I think you and I would get along in real life. I am way too dramatic, and no one (well, a few) seems to get me! I think you would. It'd be nice to have a friend that doesn't roll thier eyes at me when I spaz- even if it's a short, semi-controlled spaz.

I thought about you the other day b/c I'm planning a trip to Memphis and I know like two people from the south, so when I think of the south, I thought of you.

Well, pies or no pies, job or no job, God has a plan for you all and clearly you won't be living on the streets, so until something permanant comes forward (and even after), I'll be praying for you guys.

Have a blessed and happy Mother's Day, Abby!

jennifer h said...

No comments. Just praying. No desire for pie in my face!

Wrights said...

Hooray for seven days! Enjoy all your company and cooking. We are praying for you a bunch. And I think you are so funny! I loved all the pie in the face talk. I sort of think you should go through with it:)

katie said...

The fact that y'all don't have a plan B proves the strength of your faith. I wish I could be more trusting like that and not worry about tomorrow. You and George have been a good example to me in this regard and I'm sure a ton of other people. Your patience and trust will be rewarded.

I'm sure I've asked about plan b and to be honest, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get a pie in the face. I like pie! :)

elizabeth campbell said...

Ha! So glad I didn't ask about plan B, although to be honest,I don't think it would have occurred to me. I mean, y'all have spent three years in seminary b/c George feels called to be a pastor, so why would you pursue anything else? IF that time comes, of course y'all will do whatever you have to do, and God will provide His best for y'all. I am encouraged by your peace and patience, and am praying like crazy for y'all right now.

lauren said...

you just made me laugh out loud. really hard.

i could have written that post but it would have been pies for every person who asks me if i'm having twins right now. or tells me i'm going to pop or something else really rude like, "were you this big with your other 2?" ok, so this is trivial compared to your family's life decisions, but i promise i'm just as irritated as you are at these questions!

i will be praying for patience as you wait for His perfect plan to be revealed!

courtney said...

Praying for you all.... Plan B? Who needs it......


Katherine said...

it took tim 9 months to get a job after he graduated with his NP degree. and 9 months before he graduated started the questions, does he have a job? well, he was working as a nurse while in school, so YES he has a job. would he like one in the new field? YES. why else go to school??
tim got so discouraged by the question if he had a job yet. we definitely can empathize with you. it's hard. and family was as bad or worse than friends about it. it was a long 18 months for tim, esp since lucas was born a few months after graduation. and he had to take a huge test a couple of months after graduation before he could legally practice anyway. to kindredness! :)

Olive said...

Can you believe it? Graduation in less than 12 hours?!


elizabeth campbell said...

Whoohoo!! 7 hours and 24 minutes to go! Hope tomorrow is fabulous for the whole family!

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