Sunday, June 15, 2008

A New Countdown Begins

Because I am constantly repeating our story and every new little piece of news over the phone, through emails, at church, and in the neighborhood, I think I forget that I haven't explained everything on the blog. So just to catch y'all up, we got a two week extension on our lease a little while ago; what a blessing! But it is the final word. So our move out date is one month from today, July 15. That's all she wrote. No more seminary housing. (But until then, Renae, feel free to call me in a pinch!) There are still some job possibilities out there for George, but the likelihood that he will be interviewed, offered a job, and we will have a new home to move into in one month's time is a little slim, especially considering that he has been looking for a job for something like eight months. So we are still thinking we will probably pack everything into a POD again, which is all very deja vu. I still don't like the question about what we will do if that happens and we still don't have any real promising leads (churches really pursuing George), but I will admit to beginning to wonder that myself. Nonetheless, all that line of questioning does is cause me to doubt either my God, my husband, or both; and seeing as how I have absolutely no control of the situation, I am just going to hang out, pack some stuff up, and wait. It is quite possible that we will have some interviews lined up in the next month. George is talking to lots of people in lots of places, so surely one of them will be part of a church that could use his gifts.

In other news, nothing. I think I have said before that every year I get a serious case of the summer blues. I can understand why more people get the winter blues. It makes sense. And yet, I think I make it worse on myself because not only do I just get real low and out of whack when summer comes, but that really bothers me. It's like I can't stand to be not cheerful. Some people are just in a bad mood and they're just in a bad mood. But I am like frantically trying to get out of the bad mood and feeling like there must be something fundamentally wrong with me to be in the bad mood in the first place. The summer blues is weird, right? It is supposedly only affects 1% of the population. On the other hand, I don't quite feel that I have out and out SAD (seasonal affective disorder) that the one percent refers to. Mostly, I just can't stand how everything shuts down. I need a routine. And I am terrible at making one myself. I need a reason to get up and go. Otherwise, I will not. Seriously. I will stay up until three in the morning and then I will sleep until eleven. And yep, that's with three kids. They say it may have something to do with the increased amount of sunlight and with the heat. I am definitely a wimp when it comes to heat, but I just think of it more like where the sun is in the sky. It is hard to explain. I love me a sunny winter day or a sunny fall day. But I get such a lonely feeling thinking of sunny summer days.

I did a little research and I felt so bad for the people on the internet who posted about this on message boards. There was always some normal person completely unable to see the person's point of view. They would jump to conclusions that that person was lazy or antisocial because most people think summer means vacations and outdoor activities and hanging out with friends. But for whatever reason, it never feels that way to me. I always loved school, loved seeing my friends every day, loved running on a team, loved having somewhere to be. But summer pulls all that out from under you. You're on your own, man. So anyway, that's why it's rough- every stinkin' year since the summer after eighth grade (I am pretty sure that's when it started. And to be fair, it truly was a miserable summer). I always know it's coming. And I think of all the things I'll do to keep busy and make my routine so that I won't get down. But it just feels different, even in hindsight. I can remember even a really fun day in the summer and it will just sort of have a miserable summer haze over it. But I can remember a perfectly wretched winter day and even kind of romanticize it, because hey, it was snowing!

Well, this was kind of a downer, or awkward at the very least. Sorry, guys! I just don't have much to report. And despite my confessions of a Reverse SAD sufferer, I am doing alright. It's eleven o'clock now and I feel like I am just getting going (or cheerful for the first time today)! But because I want to get going before eleven o'clock tomorrow morning, I am going to try to go on to bed. Hope you are all enjoying your time at the pool, fun in the sun and all that. But if I weren't fixing to move, I might be ready to get out my leaf dishes or even the Christmas lights! Only 107 days left until October! Woohoo!

9 comments:

e.c. said...

Hey, I've been thinking about this lately, and after reading a post on Femina about making summer vacation fun for your kids, it occurred to me that that's why I love summer, b/c a. it was always a break from the rigors of school and I had lots of free time to read, which I loved and b. my mom always made an effort to make it fun and get me involved in different, fun activities. So it occurred to me, that maybe people who don't love it didn't have those experiences, were just kinda left to their own devices, and I can see how it would seem like one long, boring period. Not to mention that summer was a whole lot longer when we were kids than it is now(now the hot season, but the vacation from school part). Now that we're half-way through June, it seems like August will be here in a blink, and Caroline goes back to school the second week!

I will be praying for you, about George's job, the summer, everything. I can imagine that it is probably especially difficult to establish a routine, sign up for stuff, etc, when you don't know what you're doing or when exactly that will be.
Love, Elizabeth

Wrights said...

I am praying for y'all so much with all the transition and uncertainty. When things are that way for me, I have a really hard time even thinking about planning a routine and having a routine is a must for me too. It is definitely hard to have a big long stretch with no scheduled events and it's so easy to get isolated and lonely. Why do they stop Bible studies and things in the summer? I am praying for you all a bunch and am even going to pray that in the next month y'all will have a job and a place to live.
love,
raw

Renae said...

The "reverse SAD" may be more common than you think... or maybe I'm just as weird as you are?... but, as I told a counselor once, I have a much harder time with depression in spring than I do in late fall. For me, I start to get overwhelmed by the increased expectation of productivity that comes with warm, sunnier weather, which I respond to by shutting down. Isn't that effective? Rainy days, cold weather, snow, short daylight hours get to me at some point, but generally I don't mind them and some days even prefer them.

I fight the summers because generally my kids do much better with structure, as do I!

Abby said...

elizabeth, i think you may be on to something. the year that it started for me was the first summer after we moved to nashville. i had always had neighborhood friends until then so i had had people around. then we got to the nash and i didn't have friends in walking distance. and my mom never was one to plan anything for us or take us anywhere unless we asked. she is pretty introverted and quite the homebody. i am neither! plus, we usually weren't allowed to have friends over. so unless someone called and invited me over, it was boring boring boring and long long long. pretty much just hour upon hour of nintendo (rad racer and zelda!) and mtv. and all i had to look forward to was church and tuesday night youth stuff. it pretty much stayed that way all through high school because my dad wouldn't ever let me get a job and all my friends were working. then, in college, i made the mistake of coming home for the summer the year my parents were getting divorced (lovely) and the next year made the bigger mistake of staying in auburn for the summer (virtual ghost town!) anyway, i do hope i will be better at making plans for my kids. but it is tricky when we are trying to move. so thanks for understanding and for the prayers!

rebekah, thanks so much for your prayers! i need to email you back. but i will say real quick right now that i am so glad the pork and the ice cream sandwiches worked out for you! it is so fun to find new EASY stuff that everybody loves. hurray!

renae, all of that is exactly what i mean! you must have it too :) or, like we both seem to be thinking, maybe we don't have the really debilitating 1% situation where we have to close the windows to keep the light from coming in! i think that is the case for the 1% in the studies. i don't want to keep the windows shut, i just want to have something to do besides stare out them all day long! there is something cozy about being indoors in rain and snow and cold (if often prefer it too!), though i too get a little taste of spring fever before april rolls around. and i think i get more done on short, cold days. it's like i have too much time on my hands in the summer.

today i just made myself get up and make breakfast, get all the kids dressed at 8:00 (an amazing feat, you have no idea!), and then go to the Y. it has been good so far, though even the Y seems a little ghost town-ish now that school is out. i may actually even run some errands or pack a few boxes today! i have stuff to do, it just doesn't HAVE to be done, so i don't do it. basically, i am not a leader or a self starter, and that means that summer is not my friend because, as elizabeth said, i am left to my own devices- not a pretty thing!

e.c. said...

P.S. Although I love summer, I will admit to feeling the same as Renae when we were in B'ham...I would feel stressed and anxious about all the things I felt I should be/could be doing. I attribute this to a)all the over-achieving, super-efficient women at Faith and b)my own insecurity. Glad summer is once again fun and pressure-free!

Abby said...

i am tempted to rant in agreement, elizabeth, but i won't :)

e.c. said...

I want to clarify that I didn't mean that as slam against any of the women at Faith. I loved many of them very much and learned a great deal from them. There were just many that had totally different personalities and gifts from me, and it took some maturing on my part to realize that was okay.

sara said...

Abby,
I am struggling right along with you this summer. I love the warm weather and being outside (provided it is not too hot), but the lack of a schedule kills me, especially if I have an entire week ahead of me with little or no plans. Unfortunately, I have the real SAD thing going as well. In the winter, I get in a funk that is hard to shake. So maybe heaven will be full of sping and fall days! Anyway, hang in there...I am sure your state of transistion isb't making it any easier. Come to Nashville for a break??

Sara

vwlaura said...

Hey Abbey!

Sending you some smiles from Long Island! If I hear of any church positions (since I work in one...and go to one every once in a while) I'll be sure to pass them your way!

Laura

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