Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Remember Two Things

Ugh! Y'all! I have been away from Mary Ann for too long! Mary Ann is my therapist for those who don't know. I adore her. She is a sweet, motherly, warm little lady. And I guess there are those who are opposed to therapy or who think only crazy people go to therapy, and this post will not be for them. But I keep meaning to call her. And I never do. Except that I just did. But she is not there. So you get this post. I almost think this is a bad idea. But on the other hand, I think these kinds of posts were what drew some people to my blog, and those guys haven't gotten the real blood and guts post from me in so long that I think they deserve one. That is me trying to make myself feel relevant. But, this may be nothing more than stream of consciousness drivel. I don't know; I haven't written it yet. 

Well, I think the thing that is really going through my head lately is "what the heck?!" Poor George has applied to practically every Presbyterian church in the country. Well, sixty of them at least. Sixty! In the meantime, he has applied and interviewed for his old job at Bank of America as a teller, which he did not get, and consequently has applied to practically every coffeehouse and bookstore in Williamson County. And the dude cannot get a job! No amount of therapy will tell me anything I don't already know about these types of circumstances. I have lived them myself several times and I know that God has a plan. But really?! I feel like our situation would make a great topic for that Seth Meyers and Amy Pohler skit! Only, the rest of America wouldn't get it. Anyway, the most helpful thing was tonight when we read our little story out of Elspeth's Jesus Storybook Bible. I found myself unusually emotional while making dinner, just tired and frustrated and not knowing what to do with my thoughts and feelings. After dinner, George read the story of the Israelites after they crossed the Red Sea, how they were convinced that God had brought them out to the desert to die. And I have a sort of history with that story. I remember that story ministering to me in the past when I have felt like I was sort of wasting away. I mean, how many stories are like that? How many people go out into the desert and feel forsaken? Hagar, Elijah, David, and some other guys probably. George and I have been debating who for several minutes and I am tired of trying to think of people. Anyway, the point is, God is not going to leave you in the desert to die. Not Moses, not Hagar, not Elijah, not David, not you, or me. But man, does it feel like it! Seriously, what the heck?

In the meantime, here I am in Nashville. I have a constant fear of running into people I don't want to run into. I know that may sound ridiculous. It is ridiculous. But last time I ran into the person I want most not to run into in the world, I ended up leaving a restaurant crying. I hope I am a little more composed now, but that was really only about three years ago. That person lives in Nashville and that person told a whole lot of people a whole lot of lies about me. And so I also live in fear of running into one of those people. I think it is safe to say that none of those people read my blog. I almost wish they did so they would know I am a delightful and truthful person and not what was said about me. But oh well. George has a sermon about this. He talks about how so many of us are not regarded in our families or have had people willfully misunderstand us or wrongfully accuse us. Do you know that feeling? The sermon is the one he has given about Mary and Martha where Mary has been wrongfully accused. He makes a point to defend Martha - that what she said was what probably everyone else present was thinking. But he has this beautiful point about how Jesus stands by Mary and says she is right and has chosen well. In the same way, Jesus stands beside each of us in the face of our accusers, of those who do not regard us, and defends us. George says it way better than I am relaying, but it is quite helpful. 

So, two things: you will not be left in the desert, and God knows when you are choosing well and when you have been wronged. I hope that is helpful to y'all in whatever you are dealing with these days. I know it is helpful to me. Man, why don't they hire this guy? I am getting all the benefit of his ministry for myself! 


e.c. said...

I'm so sorry Abby...I could tell you were frustrated yesterday, just didn't know how much you wanted to talk about it. Feel free to call anytime you want to vent :)

Those are great things to remember, and here's another: lot's of people are praying for y'all...we are, as George would say, praying like the wind.

Wrights said...

This was a great post, Abby. I think so many people can relate with you so much more than you think. Those are great things to remember. I am so sorry that y'all are having to go through all of this. I am sure it is incredibly frustrating. We are still praying for y'all so much and will keep on praying.

courtney said...

Oh, I see how frustrating that is! I'm praying for you all, too. Also, about the mot wanting to run into one person b/c they blah, blah, blah- I know EXACTLY how you feel! We need to talk about that.... I would love to have your learned wisdom on that subject.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there--and I am not saying keep your chin up--I know things just suck right now. Just know we are praying for you, and for now at least, it is fun for me to have you in Nashville! (I am sending you JM's birthday invite this week)

Oh, and I totally get the running into people thing--accept it happens regularly since I live here--yesterday at the park as a matter of fact


the good, the bad & the ugly said...

I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult season. I will pray for you and George and the kids right now. And I do know what you mean by being misunderstood. It is such a gut-wrenching feeling. I have had that happen twice in my adult life and it was hard to let go of. In fact, the second time was just recently and I find myself struggling not to dwell on it. I never thought of the Mary/Martha story. What an encouragement! Gonna go pray now...

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